Oslo, February 2025 – In a bold move towards sustainability and a deeper connection with nature, the Norwegian government has announced plans to replace all traffic lights with live moose trained to nod or shake their heads to regulate traffic. Officials claim this will significantly reduce electricity consumption while integrating wildlife into urban life.
Transport Minister Bjørn Elkesen defended the decision, stating, “Why waste energy on red, yellow, and green lights when we have perfectly capable moose willing to take on civic duty?”
How It Works
Each intersection will be assigned a specially trained “Trafikk-Elg” (Traffic Moose) that will determine when cars and pedestrians may proceed. The process is simple:
- A firm nod = GO.
- A slow, disapproving head shake = STOP.
- Indifferent chewing of grass = Proceed at your own risk.
The first moose, affectionately named Blinker the Bull, has already been deployed in central Oslo and has reportedly stopped more traffic than any human officer ever could.
Implementation Challenges
While Norwegians pride themselves on adapting to nature, several logistical issues have emerged:
- Some moose are refusing to work in rush hour conditions, citing “unbearable stress.”
- Others have been caught accepting bribes in the form of fresh branches to let certain drivers through.
- Winter conditions may cause additional delays if the moose decide to hibernate mid-shift.
To combat these challenges, the government has proposed an emergency plan: if a moose fails to make a decision within 30 seconds, drivers are encouraged to honk gently and wait for divine intervention.
Public Reactions
Norwegians, known for their love of nature, have responded with a mix of amusement and confusion. Some claim the moose system is already more efficient than the usual city traffic. “At least now, when I’m stuck in traffic, I can blame an actual moose instead of bad urban planning,” said one Oslo commuter.
However, tourists remain skeptical. One German visitor in Bergen complained: “I waited for five minutes, and the moose just stared at me. Then it walked away. Is that a red light or a green light?”
International Response
Other countries are observing Norway’s experiment with curiosity.
- Sweden is considering a similar system but with reindeer, which are “more punctual.”
- Finland is worried that if they copy the idea, their moose will be too shy to enforce rules.
- Denmark has rejected the concept entirely, with officials stating, “We don’t need moose. Our cyclists already control the streets.”
Meanwhile, Canada has claimed Norway stole the idea and is threatening to take legal action, stating that “moose-based governance” is a purely Canadian invention.
What’s Next?
If successful, Norway may expand the project by replacing:
- Pedestrian crossings with trained bears giving high-fives.
- Speed limits with wolves that chase reckless drivers.
- Parking meters with squirrels that judge your parking skills.
For now, Oslo drivers are left to look deep into a moose’s eyes and trust its judgment. Whether this new system will work or lead to mass vehicular confusion remains to be seen—but at least Norway can proudly say that its traffic laws are now truly wild.