In a groundbreaking move towards sustainability, the UK government has unveiled an ambitious plan to convert national disappointment into a viable energy source. Dubbed the “Regret-to-Watt Initiative,” the project seeks to tap into the vast reserves of public frustration accumulated since 2016.
The Science of Sigh-Powered Energy
According to leading energy researchers, Britain emits over 30 billion sighs per day—most of them in response to news about trade agreements, visa restrictions, and, most recently, the price of imported brie. Experts estimate that if properly harnessed, this collective exhalation of regret could power up to 250,000 homes per year.
Professor Nigel Watts, head of the National Institute for Emotional Energy Studies, explains:
“Every time a Brit sighs at the phrase ‘We got our sovereignty back,’ a small but measurable amount of kinetic energy is released. If we can capture and store it efficiently, it could become the backbone of the UK’s renewable energy sector.”
Implementation Plan
The government has already begun installing “Regret Capture Zones” in high-sigh areas such as:
- Passport control queues at Heathrow, where travelers longingly stare at the EU passport fast lane.
- Supermarkets, particularly near the dwindling cheese and wine aisles.
- Pubs, where patrons take deep breaths before discussing politics.
- Fishing towns, where locals shake their heads at what was promised vs. what was delivered.
Special Brexit Regret Turbines are also in development—large windmill-like structures powered by the synchronized head-shaking of the nation. The Department for Energy and Climate Change predicts that London alone could power the entire south of England if Parliament continues debating trade deals at its current rate.
Public Reaction
The response from citizens has been mixed.
- Some have embraced the plan, stating, “At least now my disappointment will finally contribute to something useful.”
- Others worry that the project could accidentally create an emotional blackout, should the UK ever collectively stop caring.
- Scotland has requested to be excluded, arguing that their pre-Brexit sighs were already at maximum capacity.
Meanwhile, the EU has offered to buy surplus Regret Energy from the UK at a competitive rate, in what critics are calling “the most ironic trade deal of all time.”
Future Expansion
If successful, Britain may explore other untapped emotional energy sources, such as:
- Frustration-Powered Trains – Delays on the London Underground could finally generate enough energy to keep services running on time.
- Queue-Induced Kinetic Energy – The longer a British person waits patiently in line, the more energy is stored.
- Football Disappointment Reactors – A reliable source of national power every time England crashes out of an international tournament.
For now, Britons are left with a strange but comforting thought: every sigh, eye-roll, and groan of despair might just keep the lights on.