“The Womb Is Like a Nine-Month Time Out” Says Lego CEO
In a bold move that has left scientists, doctors, and nervous mothers deeply confused, Lego has announced its latest innovation: Lego Prenatal Playsets—tiny microplastic bricks designed to be absorbed by pregnant women and delivered straight to their unborn children for premium in-womb entertainment.
The Danish toy giant claims this revolutionary product will allow fetuses to engage in early motor skill development while waiting out the “extremely dull” nine-month gestation period.
“For too long, babies have had absolutely nothing to do in the womb,” said Lego CEO in a press conference. “They just float around, kick a little, and listen to muffled conversations. It’s boring. With our new microplastic bricks, they can start building tiny structures long before birth—preparing them for a lifetime of creative play and barefoot parental suffering.”
First-Hand Experiences: “My Ultrasound Showed a Half-Built Castle”
Expecting mother Rachel Stevens, 29, was part of Lego’s beta testing group and was stunned by what doctors found during her 20-week scan:
“I had been eating a lot of processed foods wrapped in plastic, per Lego’s prenatal brick instructions. When I went in for an ultrasound, the technician gasped. My baby had already constructed a two-story Lego house with a functional drawbridge. Even the doctor was impressed—he said it had better engineering than most modern apartments.”
Another mother, Linda Vásquez, described her unexpected experience:
“At first, I was worried about consuming microplastics, but then I realized—it’s just prepping my baby for real life. We’re all eating plastic anyway, so why not make it fun? Now, every time I feel a kick, I like to think my son is frustrated because he lost a tiny Lego piece in the amniotic fluid.”
Despite legal and ethical concerns, Lego remains undeterred, with its CEO declaring: “Babies are gonna swallow microplastics anyway. We’re just making it fun.
Disclaimer: This article is not FDA-approved, nor is it recommended by any doctor with a functioning medical license.